my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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