Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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