He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize