I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
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thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
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The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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