She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Never underestimate the power of titties
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
