you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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