My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
