I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
