I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I need to calm my uterus...
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
