i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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