My first STD was from a foam party
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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