Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
