I love watching others lives come down to our level.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
