currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
