dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I need a beard to bite.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
