I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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