I just pynch a tree in the face
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
