i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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