So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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