And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
