I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
