What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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