All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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