that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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