dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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