I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
