Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
