hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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