Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
