I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
