i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Another day, another engagement, another cat
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize