'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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