Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
