Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
