dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize