Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize