Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
