Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
