He kissed a someone with a penis
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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