hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
