I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
