instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Holy sore nipples Batman
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Randomize
