At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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