i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
