What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
