i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
