Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
