Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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