i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
