i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
