Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
