she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
You left your phone here
Wait...
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