I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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