i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
