I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
