when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
