i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
