I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
