I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
She bit a glass in half.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
