my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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