Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
