I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
