and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
