Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
i think im in europe. pls send help
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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