last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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