So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
