I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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