Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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