Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
