You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
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and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
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I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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