He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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