I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
