I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
