Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
