I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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